a personal note

(from Stuff by Sammi blog)

I would like to thank you my blogging friends for your kind words, comments, thoughts & prayers for the IVF cycle we just did and our two precious little embryos.. unfortunately once again these two little ones did not make it and my test yesterday was -ve.
So pretty shattered about this and find it hard to express myself about everything but I did want to let you know as I know there are many wonderful friends out there wondering!
xxx

(from Stuff by Sammi blog)

going into theatre tomorrow for an egg collection and then taking it easy for a couple of days (yup we are trying IVF again) xxx

Rambling

Taken from Craft blog - Stuff by Sammi

A couple from church had a baby girl recently and so on Sat I made this card for them... the stamp is from Hanna Stamps and coloured with copic markers.

Warning: Personal (sad) post (rambling) follows.....
Speaking of babies, you might remember that we were doing IVF recently and I was having the pregnancy test last week... well I have not mentioned it again as it's been a tough week and a bit for me... and too hard to put into words... last weekend I had a lot of bleeding and thought it was all over, however I did a pregnancy test and it came back positive so my hopes were heightened... I had the early test on Monday and it was positive too.... so we did get rather excited and hopeful - but as the numbers were low I was told to have a retest on Friday... it was a fairly hard week waiting and I did more Home tests which started to get fainter so I "knew" that things were not looking good.... Friday's test came back negative and it turned out that the bleeding was an early miscarriage! :( I was really gutted (and still am) and am writing it here as I am too good at keeping it all shut up inside me.
I really thought that this time was going to be different and that we were going to be parents... but it's not to be right now! It's hard... I Trust in God and know that he is in control of all things but I just don't understand this. I do know that he will give us strength to get through this and on with our lives.
What makes me the saddest is that we were 'parents' for a couple of weeks... we heard about the embryos progress from day 1- day 5 and we got to see a our little embryo on TV the day of transfer and have a picture of our 'little blob'... and yet we will never get to meet this little one (or the other two little embryos last year)... I know some people might think this silly but these were precious little lives that are no longer. I'll never get to hold them in my arms, or see them grow up.
I have the strongest desire to be a mum and am coming to terms with the fact that perhaps that is not to be... I guess this is why I spend sooo much time crafting... it's my therapy!
Anyway if you got through that thanks for reading and listening to me blab on!
(hugs
Sammi

update from Stuff by Sammi blog

on a better note.. last weeks IVF procedures went quite well and we ended up with one blastocyst (5 day old embryo with over 100 cells) .... which was transferred on Saturday... and now we just wait and pray that this little one sticks around! I Have a pregnancy test on 3 March.... not sure I can wait that long without exploding! lol

from Stuff by Sammi

Well I think I might not be crafting for a few days... but we'll see what happens... tomorrow morning I have the egg collection for the IVF/ ICSI (finally - so glad to have no more injections for now) and guess I will sleep for a bit in the afternoon AND that's when the waiting (and hoping) begins again! Not sure when I will feel like crafting OR when Mr Mojo will return. Thanks for stopping by! :D

Welcoming in the New Year

(originally posted on Stuff by Sammi)

2009/ 2010
Well I cannot believe it's another year! Although I am pleased... I was really looking forward to a new year, new beginnings are mostly always good :) I thought I'd do a post about 2009/ 2010...
Overall I was thinking that last year was pretty bad but my lovely husband reminded me of our blessings and of some very good things too.... so I thought I'd put down a bit of a summary (for me and others if they care to read on).

Lowlights (there is one main theme that overshadows the year):
x finding out early in the year that we would not be able to conceive children without medical intervention (IVF/ ICSI). :( :( :(
x more headaches and being continually run-down/ stressed.
x undergoing two separate rounds of IVF treatment.... which was both physically and emotionally difficult... losing our precious little embryo each time as both did not implant.(I will write more on this topic at another stage as it is still hard to think and talk about).
x seeing other friends suffer.

Highlights:
♥ Due to the generosity of Guy's Uncle Jacques (who sadly passed away late 2008) we were able to pay off our homeloan and thus I was able to stop working (which is lovely as I was quite stressed).... not working has cut down my stress levels abundantly!
♥ The love and support of family and friends throughout the year.
♥ Our annual trip to Adelaide to visit some very close friends.
♥ A great bible study group!
♥ turning 30 ... and despite the fact that I was dreading it and really not feeling like celebrating anything at that point in time - being spoilt by friends and family.... including having very good friends come to stay for the weekend!
♥ a WONDERFUL holiday to Lord Howe Island with my gorgeous hubby!
♥ meeting many wonderful ladies on an IVF forum + meeting one of them twice during the year.
♥ being chosen to be on the Stamp Spot Design Team along with 4 other wonderfully talented ladies - Thanks Marcia!
♥ the wonderful community of bloggers - and the many great friendships that have developed with other people online! THANKS to all of you! :D

What I'm Looking forward to this year...
* continuing friendships both off and online.
* making lots and lots of cards ... blogging each day (hopefully).
* doing one more cycle of IVF (probably in Feb).
* Bible study + church
* spending time with Guy
* Wii Fit and my personal trainer on the Wii ... ie. losing weight
Overall I am thankful to God and confident that despite what happens - He holds us safe in his hands and has a great plan!
Praise Him!!