Contentment

post from an old blog - 13/3/09

Well It has been some time since I used this blog...as I have been engrossed in my craft blog and my stamps and drawing and meeting people all over the place over the internet.... It's a wonderful way of sharing lives... and hopefully good for sharing the good news and hope I have in Jesus too!

So ... Why am I writing here again.. .well I am going to use it as an online journal.... just to get my thoughts out ... write down what I'm thinking and feeling and working through.... I am pretty bad at opening up and this is to help me get better at it and get real. a small start.

It's been a rather difficult week for me....

1. Contentment talk.... opened up to me that I do often look for contentment in my circumstances, ie... I am so sick of being tired, having LOWER than LOW energy levels, having headaches constantly.... not being "normal". This is not all bad discontentment I am sure as I want to be able to serve God MORE - I want to be able to do more ministry - they are not bad things to want... but still - I know that I can only do what I can...

My contentment is in Jesus... It is SOOO wonderful and wonderous and humbling... that he gave up his place in Heaven.. his comfort and position to come to earth to live and die and take the judgement  I deserve for telling God to keep out.

2. I have a deep desire to have kids... it is deeply engrained in me (and I believe in most women) .... I do not want them above my desire for God... I would that God called me home today ... that Jesus would return (except that I do not want him to return until more people know him) ... oh - I do understand Paul's "torn-ness".
It's just that I have never imagined a life without children....