High tea

I've signed up to attend a Mothers Day High tea.. run by Bears of Hope.. a pregnancy and infant loss support organisation. I'm going with some other girl friends who have lost their precious little ones.

When I filled in the form to register there was a question: "Is this person a bereaved mother" and it had space to list names of children. I really wasn't sure what to write and agonised over it. I don't know that to everyone they count but to me ... yes I am.. and those 8 little lives count and matter and so after discussion with Guy and choosing a couple more names for Octobers little ones,  I wrote down eight names:
Dan, Chris, Jess, Jules, Ashley, Kelly, Stevie and Kim xxxxxxxx

It's on the day before Mother's Day .. I feel a little strange and anxious about it ... If you've read other posts here you would know that Mother's Day is one of the hardest days for me, but I'm happy to be able to go to support my dear friends and looking forward to spending time with them and am glad to be able to honour those little lives not for this world.

Mother's Day 2018

Well today is Mother's Day .. and today I am SAD... I am sad because of 6 little embryos that never made it past 4-5 weeks old and whom we never got to see develop into babies and children! I am sad that my arms are empty .. That desire to be a mother is so very deep and still not met and may never be met. My heart aches and I feel like a failure as a woman and as a wife.

I am sad for friend's whose grief is still raw at the loss of their gorgeous bubbas, I'm sad for friends who have lost older children and for those who have lost their mothers and for those who have damaged or no realatoinship with their mothers. I miss my Gran terribly and today makes that sadness more real as well.. I am sad that my mother in law is suffering Alzheimers and does not recognise her own sons and family any longer.

I am so thankful for my Mum who loves all her girls immensely and cares for all of us so deeply! I'm looking forward to seeing her in a couple of weeks!

I'm touched by messages from my beautiful niece-in-law and a lovely friend from church.
I message some dear friends and have a few chats.

I ring my Nan and  have a nice chat :)

I write my annual Facebook post for Mother's day (Hope it's helpful for others as I'm not sure if it is helpful for me or not.. it does renew the grief.. make me acknowledge the grief I suppose)

"Today I am thankful for "mothers" everywhere - for all those who care for and encourage and help us grow, forgive us, support us in hard times, challenge us, share the word with us, gave birth to us, nurtured us, prayed for us... the list goes on! I am so thankful to God for those he has given us to love and be loved by!
KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED!! 
For those whom today is a time of grief instead of celebration (whatever the reason ... and there are so very many), may you be strengthened and comforted! xxx"

I feel upheld by my father in heaven and by the prayers of friends and family.

Of course I want mother's to be celebrated - they are amazing and give up so much for their children but when someone messaged me to to say he wanted to hand out flowers for the mother's at our church gathering and would I be happy for him to to buy some and get the welcomers to do it at the welcome desk (I co-ordinate welcoming) I had to ring him and say that I thought it should not be done at the welcome desk if he really wants to give flowers to do it privately. I suggested a flower for all women... it was a bad phone line and he was at the shops so noisy and distracted. It was a painful and awkward conversation.

.... I hang up and sob my heart out!

He messages to apologise if he hurt me.

As my wonderful husband comforts me I apologise for being stupid. He says I'm not.

In the past I have missed church on mother's day - I just couldn't face it!  I really don't want to go now but force myself to say we need to go!

There are no flowers at the door... there is an announcement at the front thanking and acknowledging mothers and a acknowledgement that it's a hard day for some. After the service he takes flowers around to the actual mothers. I know other people noticed and thought it was strange. There are many single women at church who "mother" other women and youth!! How do we acknowledge them on such days?

I really like Amy's Wide Spectrum of Mothering and her blog post on Mother's Day here something to help acknowledge the different people in our midst.

Please LORD, help me to give me grace!!

Mothers Day - 14 May 2017

I posted this on FACEBOOK


Here-in begins my Mother's Day rant this year :)

Hugs and prayers all round ... For mothers - you have the best job there is! Treasure your children, young and old. Keep up the great work - it's not in vain xx for those mothering other mother's children you are remarkable and this is an amazing role too!!

For mothers who've lost their children and those who've lost their mothers may you find love and comfort where you least expect.

For those grieving broken relationships or disappointments may you find comfort, reconciliation and peace.

For those who long to be mothers and yet these desires remain unfulfilled may your hearts be filled with comfort and love ... and may your dreams come true!

For ALL who are grieving or hurting may you too find comfort, peace and healing

As for me, I am thankful for my own dear mother. Her love, support and generosity are a great blessing and example. I am grateful for my beautiful Nan and hope she finds the move to Orange a delight and not too sad. I dearly miss my Gran and fondly remember her especially today.
I grieve that my mother-in-law is lost inside a shell of herself and the brokenness that Alzheimer's brings.

My dreams of being a mother remain unfulfilled .. in a way ... although in my heart are 6 dear little ones that never fully formed and yet are never forgotten and always wondered about what they would be like had they lived.

Love to all xxx

Mother's Day rant

Taken from Stuff by Sammi

Good morning everyone. I hope you are well and having a super Sunday! Here in Australia it's Mother's Day and I've just got off the phone from chatting to my lovely Mum :) I am thankful that my sister's and I have a Mum that loves us and has and does continue to care for all of us!!

HAPPY MOTHER's Day to all you Mum's out there... Thanking God for your selfless love and care for your children... I hope that you are having a lovely day! Thanking God for the blessing of children and the joy that comes from being a Mum. Children/ people out there with Mother's in your lives... don't wait for one day of the year to thank them... show them you appreciate them today and everyday!!

For many people Mother's Day is a very painful Day!!

For those who have lost their mothers it's often a painful reminder of grief and loss ... for those whose mothers have not been loving and cared for them as they should it could bring out anger and renew hurt ... for those who have known and lost their children somewhere along the way it's a terribly sad and painful reminder ... for those who have been through infant loss or miscarriage it's heartbreaking ... for those who have suffered infertility and want nothing more than to hold their children in their arms and see them grow up it's so incredibly raw and painful ... for those who are single it's often a reminder of what's so far from their grasp....

Please spare a thought and a prayer for those whom Mother's Day is a day of pain and sorrow... If that is you... I pray that the God of all comfort would surround you with his love and comfort today and fill your day with understanding friends and family!!!

For me Mother's Day is difficult as I wonder what would our little ones that never grew be like if they had of lived... what would we be doing with them today to celebrate the day... it's a stabbing reminder of what will never be! It's something that I live with everyday... I don't just have these thoughts today.. today they are just magnified by the focus on Mother's.

I thought I would give away some free images today ... one to honour Mothers out there and a Flower for all of you out there that will not be given any physical flowers today!