Saturday, June 7, 2014

Saddest Memory

Taken from my blog Stuff by Sammi

  • I think that my saddest memories I have are finding out that those little lives we'd seen on the screen as tiny cells had not survived. We went through a few rounds of IVF in 2009 and 2010 and it was such a rollercoaster of a ride... great joy and great sadness.  It still makes me sad remembering the loss of these little ones. Wondering what they would have been like, what life would be like if they had lived. 
(also I'm a little sad we don't have ALL the pictures)

It is a great comfort to me in times of sadness knowing that God is in control
Job 1:21b (ESV) The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
blessed be the name of the 
LORD.”

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day rant

Taken from Stuff by Sammi

Good morning everyone. I hope you are well and having a super Sunday! Here in Australia it's Mother's Day and I've just got off the phone from chatting to my lovely Mum :) I am thankful that my sister's and I have a Mum that loves us and has and does continue to care for all of us!!

HAPPY MOTHER's Day to all you Mum's out there... Thanking God for your selfless love and care for your children... I hope that you are having a lovely day! Thanking God for the blessing of children and the joy that comes from being a Mum. Children/ people out there with Mother's in your lives... don't wait for one day of the year to thank them... show them you appreciate them today and everyday!!

For many people Mother's Day is a very painful Day!!

For those who have lost their mothers it's often a painful reminder of grief and loss ... for those whose mothers have not been loving and cared for them as they should it could bring out anger and renew hurt ... for those who have known and lost their children somewhere along the way it's a terribly sad and painful reminder ... for those who have been through infant loss or miscarriage it's heartbreaking ... for those who have suffered infertility and want nothing more than to hold their children in their arms and see them grow up it's so incredibly raw and painful ... for those who are single it's often a reminder of what's so far from their grasp....

Please spare a thought and a prayer for those whom Mother's Day is a day of pain and sorrow... If that is you... I pray that the God of all comfort would surround you with his love and comfort today and fill your day with understanding friends and family!!!

For me Mother's Day is difficult as I wonder what would our little ones that never grew be like if they had of lived... what would we be doing with them today to celebrate the day... it's a stabbing reminder of what will never be! It's something that I live with everyday... I don't just have these thoughts today.. today they are just magnified by the focus on Mother's.

I thought I would give away some free images today ... one to honour Mothers out there and a Flower for all of you out there that will not be given any physical flowers today!





Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Origami Owl living locket

Originally posted on Stuff by Sammi

Good morning! I hope you are all having a great week! Ours is going OK... got a few things to get done still.. but enjoying the holiday! We had a few days in Canberra on the weekend which was great... saw some old friend...we saw the Toulouse Lautrec exhibition! It also happened to be the enlighten festival too whilst we were there so we got to see that! It was Fun!!! :D I might post some pics a little later ... or maybe just in a Smash book or similar tee hee!!!

Anyway I'm excited that yesterday I received my living locket that I'd ordered from Origami Owl! I loved the idea of these when I saw Jess post about them last year on faecbook .. and then Krista also posted about them this year and so I looked into getting one... and thought that being in Aus meant I would not be able to get it.. however a dear US friend made it possible!!! :D And Elizabeth was awesome!

the packaging was so cute!!!


Look at all the yummy little pieces inside....


Here it is all spread out on the table...


Here is the locket all put together.. without the dangle... was trying to decide whether to have it alone or with the dangle too :D

Here I am wearing it with the heart dangle included :)

a close up...

I wanted to get this locket as a "memory locket" for our little ones that didn't make it... so each little gem is a birthstone gem ...(the dates they were fertilised ... as they were all IVF embryos) and then a  G and an S which is pretty self explanatory - our initials :)
I know some might find it silly or sentimental but I just thought it would be nice... I carry those precious little ones around in my heart and thoughts ALWAYS yet I thought it would be nice to have a little physical reminder of their SHORT lives. I  do thank God for their short lives.. although I  do wish they had lived longer and we'd been able to see them grow ... for some reason it was meant to be this way. I trust Him in that!

I Do love this Locket :D and glad I  got it!! :D

Friday, February 8, 2013

BFP Friend & Pregnancy musings

(originally posted on Stuff by Sammi blog)

 And for my post today HERE I'm sharing a special card and some feelings too.. ahhhh - LOL!

A good friend of mine is expecting.. YAY! :) I am so thrilled for her as it's been a tough, hard road getting to this point and I know how much she wanted this - which makes it even special-er .. I know this little one is going to be well loved!!!  It's early days... but  I wanted to make her a special card... which I will send LATER - once she actually resembles this image - tee hee, It's called "Icecream and Pickles" from Saturated Canary.

 

on a personal note.....
Making pregnancy and Baby cards are something I find the hardest... they tug my heartstrings I guess .... It's not that I'm not happy for friends/ people who are expecting... I am -- very happy -- for them!!  and Thankful for the blessing of new life! Pregnancy is a great gift from God :) I guess the hard bit is it's just a big reminder of what we don't / won't have and what we've have lost.

I "think" most women understand having the desire for children /to be nurturers - we are after all designed that way.. and the world and many churches tell us that for married woman our role is to be a Mum so when we are not then things are just not right and can leave us with feelings of inadequacy, failure, sadness and the list goes on... more on that another time...

"BFP" are three initials I would LOVE to scream from the rooftops for myself .... During my IVF attempts journey/ season I learnt MANY new acronymns.... Happily I was able to say BFP (=BIG FAT PREGNANT) once... and PUPO (PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE) 5 times... however none of our little ones survived and I still find the loss of those 6 little lives painful and I wonder "what if" all the time.  I have just ordered a locket in memory of our 6 little ones so I may share that here once I get it :D I know God does not give us more than we can handle and that everything is in his control and so through his strength we continue on and we rest in the knowledge that he is good and has a beautiful plan!

Why am I sharing all this here?? is it Oversharing?? I don't think so... I think Infertility/ Pregnancy loss is too often a taboo topic... not talked about and believe me it's not easy to write this... but I  know that the journey of infertility it can feel very isolating and if this helps just one person then I think it's worth sharing! If you are reading this and need an understanding ear then I am certainly happy to LISTEN.

Sammi
xoxo

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New year has begun

(originally posted on Stuff by Sammi blog)

I have decided to write up a bit of an overview of 2010 ... overall when I think about it the year is tinged with sadness and feelings of loss but actually there has also been lots of good things and much to be thankful for so that is why It’s good to do this! :D

After our attempts to conceive in 2009 through the assistance of IVF Australia we had decided to try again in 2010... the rollercoaster of TTC and IVF took us to great highs and lows... Early this year we did manage to conceive but sadly I miscarried almost immediately, our second attempt at IVF produced two lovely little embryos which unfortunately after transfer did not stick in there... that was to have been our last IVF attempt but on the day of Egg collection they said they could freeze additional eggs ... we only allow them to fertilise 2 eggs each cycle as due to personal ethical reasons we do not want to have embryos frozen. So We had 2 frozen eggs to attempt another cycle... we did so in October - both eggs thawed and one fertilised successfully however unfortunately did not grow any further, so this leaves us with 6 little ones who have not made it past about 5 weeks old. It’s sad to deal with the fact that we will never see them be born, we’ll never get to hold them in our arms or see them grow up. The loss is not only that we cannot be parents but that for a tiny time we were.. the possibility was open, the lives were started and then...no more!


I am thankful to God that he brought us to know him before this time in our lives, that through many years of reading his word and sitting under great teaching from his word we know that he is good.. we know that he has great plans for his world and for those who love him... we know that the passions and desires of this world, the pain of this world is temporary, we know that he does not want the world to be this way - but that it is due to hard human hearts and the consequences of those... we know and rejoice that he has done something about it in Jesus - his death and resurrection AND that one day things will be better... but despite knowing all this we sit in the here and now and we still have to deal with the hurt and pain and loss... I’m not sure how I could deal with this if I had not already held onto all of that knowledge in my head. I am thankful for godly teachers and friends who have encouraged us to hold onto all these things. I am thankful for the support of our bible study group, of the IVF forum girls and also for family and friends who have felt our pain and given comfort!

What else has gone on this year???
Well my parents up and left for France and spent time there in a little village.. sounded quite lovely and brought back memories of a holiday to Europe in 2007. One day we will get back there again too .. luckily they did come back to Australia :D

It was great to have my sister Shell move back to Australia and then back to Sydney - too bad Manly is an hours drive away though :D

Nic left for France! I Miss her being here and being able to craft together... She also came along to the big paper show in Melbourne with me and was invaluable.. I could not have done it without her!

Sian is still in Brisbane and we have still not made it to visit! 2011 it is!!

It’s been good to see Luc, Liz and the boys throughout the year and spend time with them.. our nephews are growing so quickly (teenager/ almost teenager) and that is fun to watch! We enjoy dinner and games with them when we get the chance :D

We celebrated my Gran’s 90th birthday in September which was quite a lovely do .. a lunch at Dunes at Palm Beach with family and friends of hers!

Guy and I also went over to Nan’s on her birthday for afternoon tea.. it was nice to do so and I think she enjoyed that! We do need to see my grandmothers more often but it’s hard as I am not wonderful at driving myself... it hurts my head... too much concentration etc?

Christmas was good .. having all my family (except Nic - o/s) to lunch at Guy’s brother’s house (who was on hols) with much more space than we do. We also had Guy’s mum with us.. as Guy went to pick her up from Newcastle and bring her here and back .. she stayed with us for a couple of nights.. she is getting more forgetful which is hard for her. We will need to make more of an effort this year to go and see her and check up on her!

Church has been great! We love Wild Street and the people there who are so keen to both grow themselves in the word of God and for others to come to know and love him and grow as well! It’s been fun to be involved in ministry there. Guy has been leading a group which this year has been combined morning and afternoon church. It has been wonderful having a mix of older and younger people and whilst many in the group have had a HARD year it has been great to see the support and love and care for each other happening!

In April I made a flying visit to Adelaide for Lains 30th - the first time in a couple of years that my four best friends from College were all together! Was great to have Ally, Bron, Lain and myself together again! Was fun to spend some time with Lain and Craig and also great to get to go to their church despite the fact it was after a very late night and we were feeling rather :P


In May we went to Adelaide for a holiday.. this was for Guy’s long awaited week long fishing trip on board a boat fishing for tuna!! mmm... unfortunately although there were a few other fish/ squid due to the timing of the trip it seemed there were no tuna to be found ... maybe next time!

During the time that Guy was on the boat I stayed behind in Adelaide with our great friends the Russells and enjoyed life in a big family - love them all!... lots of fun and lots of Chuck... The TV series that is!

the Adelaide trip meant we could catch up with our dear friends the Normans!

It also meant that we could attend The Russell’s newly planted church - St Barnabas at the Platform... and this was a great experience and we enjoyed it immensely!

Guy - who is ever faithful and hardworking is still plugging away at Matthias Media and is happy that he outlasted Warren. He has been there for quite some time now and only has one year to go till long service leave :D
Guy decided he would like a Spit roast and so we celebrated his birthday with a whole lamb :D

He is such a wonderful husband and support to me and I am continually thankful to God for bringing him into my life and growing us together! I am truly blessed!

The year in Craft....overflowing to everyday life...
some highlights:
OH ALICE

in February - Jess Diedrich started the most wonderful Challenge blog ever hehe...
Oh Alice! I was thrilled to be chosen as one of the twisted 13... Loving all things fantasy it was a perfect fit for me... I have LOVED being part of this amazing team and feel like I have grown creatively through the year and the numerous challenges. My love for all things Alice has also grown throughout the year too as each week I think about and read and see more Alice inspired un-nonsense.

MAD FOR MARKERS

In January/ February I researched a bit about Neenah paper as I wanted something better to colour with my Copics on... It was only available in the US and I realised that shipping from to Aus was a bit of a killer... so after many discussions with Guy decided to order a bulk amount and then on-sell it (making the postage more bearable and covered by many) ... once the paper was on its way I suddenly had the idea of also selling Copic markers.. having found them hard to get at a reasonable price in Australia...I found and spoke with Copic Australia and things quickly fell into place and Mad for Markers was born in February - March! With a few glitches by me .... on the 21st March my website went LIVE... thanks to the wonderful and talented Shell who designed it for me!! Thanks to to my wonderful hubby Guy who helped me in re-entering all the markers one by one that I had inadvertently deleted right at the launch time! haha
I have learnt so much through the year and am still learning how to run my own business.. but it has been fun - a BIG HIGHLIGHT and I have loved meeting LOTS of people who share my passion for Copics..
Have had some wonderful girls help me out on the 2 Design teams I have had and I am especially grateful for my three permanent DT girls/ friends - Tracey, Emma and Annette - who week in and out create gorgeous Copic inspiration.. and I was thrilled to be able to meet them all in August at Paperific when they came and helped me run the stall we had there.. Thanks again girls for your work and for your friendship too!!!
At the end of May I ran my first ever Copics class.. it was actually really fun! Some of the girls from this class then signed up for my monthly Copic club which has been a lot of fun!! I have run a few classes through the year and find I always get nervous before hand but have fun during the lessons!


Marcia has been an enormous support and encouragement to me in this venture and I’m thrilled about the partnership between Mad for Markers and her online store - THE STAMP SPOT! Marcia sells many wonderful scrapping, card making supplies and I blame/ thank her for introducing me to The Greeting Farm! LOL 
Marcia has become a great friend and I have also been encouraged by her and her wise words throughout the year!


My friend Tracey started her own Stamp Company and It’s been a Great honour to be on her Design team for Spesch Designer Stamps and so amazing to be able to use all these gorgeous images! I Have loved it!! These images are designed by talented artists and are all amazing images to colour too.. lots of fun!! It was also awesome that Tracey allowed me to sell her stamps on the stall Mad for Markers had in August at Paperific - it was heaps of fun setting up and working there together!

Design Teams 

* In March I was surprised and happy to be chosen for the new Artful Inkables Design Team and was challenged weekly in working out new ways to show off their stamp line! :D :D I met some great people through this!



TGF THE CRITTER CREW

* In September I joined The Greeting Farm’s Critter Crew for a few months.. It has been a dream of mine to be part of the Farm as I adore their images and love the way they run the business.. blogs etc! I’m sad that the Critter Crew is now finished and thus my time working on the farm has reached an end... but I do look forward to joining in with happenings on the farm as an entusiastic frequent visitor to this wonderful fun filled farm!

INKY IMPRESSIONS

* in November I was thrilled to be chosen as an “Inkette” for another of my favourite stamp lines Inky Impressions!! And am looking forward to my time on this team and “having” to use these adorable stamps!! :D and also looking forward t getting to know the other wonderfully talented inkettes and lovely Inky Mama too!


*In May I was thrilled to finally be able to attend Copic Certification... the FIRST one here in Australia... and it was run by Marrianne Walker (the creative genius behind I Like Markers - the girl/ blog that taught me my Copic skills over the past 2 years) and Lori Craig from Splicoast stampers.. Thanks to Copic Australia for organising and bringing them out! It was much fun for me to meet some Stamping celebrities and also to meet in person some fellow bloggers ... especially Kylie, Jodie, Michey, Sue and Kerry


Blogging community
I am always surprised at how friendly and supportive everyone is in blogland!! I have made some very amazing friends through this “hobby” and am so thankful for the friendship and support of each and every one of you! I have been thrilled that in 2010 I got to meet some very special people and look forward to catching up for a longer period with them in the coming years (hopefully) as well as meeting more of those wonderful people who live inside my computer... including you girls overseas! Australia/ Sydney is a wonderful spot for a holiday don’t you think!!

Looking forward to 2011 .. Well it is here YAY ... but what will it bring??
1.We plan to continue serving God and his saints at Wild Street Church... we have a new minister for 5pm church and are looking forward to seeing where things go... we hope to keep growing in love and knowledge of Jesus.

2. We hope to grow the business of Mad for Markers and have plans to attend Paperific in April and run a Copic Conference in Sydney in October.

3. We plan to spend lots of time with family and friends and are looking forward to opening up our unit to many for food and fun throughout the year.

The rest is an unknown quantity and we look forward to seeing what the Lord has in store... Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way,but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.



*If you did get this far congratulations.. I know it was a long read... but it was good for me to write it all out!*

Saturday, June 26, 2010

a personal note

(from Stuff by Sammi blog)

I would like to thank you my blogging friends for your kind words, comments, thoughts & prayers for the IVF cycle we just did and our two precious little embryos.. unfortunately once again these two little ones did not make it and my test yesterday was -ve.
So pretty shattered about this and find it hard to express myself about everything but I did want to let you know as I know there are many wonderful friends out there wondering!
xxx

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

(from Stuff by Sammi blog)

going into theatre tomorrow for an egg collection and then taking it easy for a couple of days (yup we are trying IVF again) xxx