Empty Arms

It's been a while.. I keep meaning to update this blog but then don't ... It's been a tough couple of months emotionally...we saw our FS and she didn't give us many answers or much hope for IVF working if we were to try again... that was a shock as I expected her to encourage us to "keep going" ... at least she was honest.. she suggested if we wanted to we just try "one last time" She didn't really have ideas on what to do but was happy to try some things that my Acupuncturist advised. We are still unsure about whether we will try again or not .. Currently still trying to get healthier and LOSE MORE WEIGHT ... it's hard at the moment with Birthdays and Christmas celebrations.

this time leading to Christmas is a little hard emotionally... I was hoping and praying so hard that by this time I'd be a few months pregnant and was even prepared to face morning sickness now if that was the case... but it's not .. my womb is empty and there's a larger hole in my heart ...a sadness that lingers and rears it's head at inopportune and unexpected times.

We celebrated Mum's 70th last night.. it was lovely ... It was extra nice to have some old friends that we knew growing up (in a small town - for the first 8 years of my life) - Mum and Dad's good friends come to the party and then to the house this morning.. It was so lovely talking to them and seeing photos of their children (our friends from childhood) 's children. However it made me quite sad simultaneously that this is an unfulfilled dream/ desire .. and that My Mum is not able to "show off" photos of her grandchildren in return at times like this.